Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Back In Black


Welcome back.  

I know, where did I go?  What happened to my need to connect; change the world; inspire people?  Why did I not have one tiny creative feather of hope in my entire body during the holidays?  Why could I not be brought to even post a little holiday spirit or recipe?  These are all interesting questions that have been swirling around in my head also.  Does anyone out there understand me?  Does anyone know the answers? Do other people feel this way?  Perhaps no. Perhaps yes.  Perhaps it is just me.  Be very thankful you are not trapped in my head.  This is a very positive thing. Trust me. Stay with me.

Compassion please.  You are not going to like what is next.

I have given this quite some thought.  In fact I vowed to myself that I would not write until I had something of substance to indulge in.  NEWS FLASH...this is the substance.  Brace yourself, this may offend you.  You may find yourself bored, suddenly tired and in the fog,  when something hits you square between the eyes and your only way to survive is to "fog out."  You know the feeling...  It is the feeling when you don't want to deal with something. Or someone calls you out on your "crap" and you look at them like a deer in the head lights.  The very familiar feeling of BEING OVERWHELMED and you can possibly process what is being said and every word sounds like a scientific calculus formula to vast to even tune into.   Is this sounding at all like anything you may have experienced?  If so, why am I the only one talking about this?  Where are all the people that feel this and why I don't know any of them? 

This is what the holidays felt like.  Poorly planned (our school system is to blame for this), overstuffed, overwhelming, crazy spinning out of control, mad people on the streets rushing around, panic, following all the other crazy people around, too much stuff, too many sparkly snow flocked China imported items packed in a tightly confined space... have I mentioned those "Moms" at school with the Christmas sweaters and the tightly perched smiles that look like they are going to blow any minute?

I am sorry, I had to get it out. But it is the truth.  The truth is for me the holidays have become vapid of SPIRIT, CONNECTION and LOVE.  This celebration of the birth of Jesus has become a giant garage sale for China that we have all bought into.  Oh and let's not forget all  us "Martha Stewarts" wanna be's serving up super-egos one perfect pie crust at a time.  Really? I am over it.  

I want real connection.  I want real love.  I want slow, snugly, without expectation, time and intimacy that warmly rolls in and out like the ocean on a warm sandy beach.  Or the peace of a crackling fire that enchants you and wraps it mysterious arms around you at the same time and takes you for a wild adventure.  I want dreams and words from God.  What I don't want is obligation, or guilt, or cheap meaningless clutter, or shame, or "shoulds" or "have to's."  Is this too much to ask?  

THEN BOOM!  Out of no where like a flying saucer with a irresistible alien, delivering an unanswered prayer;  this is what I get...

My entire family firmly rooted, each with their favorite non alcoholic beverage and corresponding blankets, all "nuggled" (yes "nuggle" is a word) on the sofa all watching "The Bachelor" belly laughing, flaeling their arms in passion,  while covering their eyes with one hand because they are so embarrassed (and scared) for what is going to happen next.  I mean really, this is substance, pure decadence and completely void of nutritional value.  It should be canned and sold as "cheap thrills."  It is like standing in your underwear shooting "Reddi Wip" straight out of the container in to your mouth and topping with chocolate favored syrup! 

Can anyone relate?

Peace, Love and I'm Back... A


  1. Funny huh, the moment you let go of the insane "push to mold your ideal future", you realize all you want and need is already here. It's always been here, and always will be here. The letting go is the key... ??

  2. Glad you're back!! Great post! You've inspired me to get back on the blogosphere!

  3. YES! I totally felt this way this year... and yes reddi whip in my underwear ind of substance is what it's all about.. : ) thank you.

  4. So glad to hear from you. You are right and I totally relate. I had to talk myself off the ledge many times this Christmas Season. I say next year, go away from home and have celebrate with your family somewhere far far away from the hustle and bustle!

    Love you.